Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Dime Bag Marketing 101

While many have been bashing BP for the tragic Deepwater Horizon oil spill, I have been digging deep into their lesser known motives.  The research has uncovered a shocking long-term market expansion strategy.  BP extends the seminal new market development research pioneered by prime-before-their-time thought leaders of Exxon through the research vessel Valdez

Currently humans are the only species that are hooked on petroleum products.  The industrial innovation surrounding oil permeates of our energy supply, clothing, food, drugs and most every other aspect of daily human life.  Petroleum has become so ubiquitous to mankind that revenue growth potential to this market has become severely limited. 

Where are the market expansion opportunities?  Why not bring these societal metamorphosizing petroleum products to marine species of the planet?  Any other action would be purely cruel—like the wizards of Harry Potter’s world keeping wands from the Goblins. 
Humans only occupy the minority of Earth’s land masses.  BP brings oil to the other 75% of the planet’s surface, don’t vilify them and worse yet don’t miss the boat in this emerging market! 

The Deepwater Horizon spill is the dime bag approach to market expansion.   BP supplies the first bit of change catalyst crude oil to the fish, coral, sea birds, etc for free; they become hooked like humans then bring on the HUGE new markets and the elusive revenue expansion. 

Coral reefs seem to be a high probability initial target for this strategy.  Reefs have:
  • A fixed location that is great for building fish friendly refineries, factories, and strip malls for the subsurface industrial and consumer revolution.  Potential abounds to build multiple use-cases for the nascent market with far reaching social impact—think lobster unions, Parrot fish robber barons, homeless sea urchin throngs and much much more.
  • Large populations of innovative diverse occupants to pioneer novel uses of the new found black gold.  Maybe they can figure out the solution to global climate change. 
  • Transportation--why swim when you can take the sub? 
  • Clothing.  Have you noticed that all these species are naked?  Massive market here.  Humans could likely start educating the fishes in our university system in clothing and jewelry design.  Better yet use the desperate fashion needs as a beach head for constructing a media empire by recruiting the most promising marine life for aquatic episodes of Design Star.
  • Construction – no more need for moray eel holes when condos can be built with the Caterpillar equipment powered by oil.
The opportunities are endless.  I don’t know about you, but I’ll be glued to the TV getting business ideas from Sponge Bob Square Pants. 

All this brought to you by the marketing innovation of corner drug dealers and the creative minds out on the sticky part of the envelope’s edge at Exxon & BP.

You might want to watch out for the whale mob protecting its turf…

1 comment:

nate said...

Dohhh! The truth was hiding in plain sight this whole time. Thanks for the revelation, Tony.