Monday, July 19, 2010

Funniest Quote…so far

Oscar to Doug, “You don’t wanna to stash your banana in my stone fortress?”  (Names have been changed to protect the participants.)

If one doesn’t have the full context of the conversation it is safe to assume that these two might be interested in each other and are having difficulty expressing their true feelings openly or one wants the relationship to progress at a slower pace.  Either of these maybe the case, but given context was it quite harmless.  And in Doug’s defense, he had a banana perched on his shoulder as this quote belched from Oscar’s mouth. 

Most any camper knows that chipmunks are soft, fluffy, and adorable creatures with the super-power ability to coax edible offerings from the crustiest of scrooges while campsite goodies are protected by humans.  When backs turn all that warm fuzzy cuteness morphs into a rabid beast equipped with diamond plated incisors able to craft a hole in an armored personnel carrier quicker than a silver dollar dropped from waist height can hit the ground.  Simply not specializing in quickness and durability, they are game to munch anything from food stuffs to shoe rubber to tents to depleted uranium rounds. 

The prepared camper resorts to most any means to repel the crafty masters of mastication.  I’m sure you have seen bear proof food containers.  Have you ever seen a chipmunk proof container?  Nope. They don’t exist.  Impossible manufacture, design, or even conceptualize.  Oscar dared to defy this Law of Nature.  A plan he posited would ward off the devious forest foe.   His plan was simple in design, ingenious in innovation and an impending failure. 

The design—take one plastic container and seal the food/treasure inside; place vessel at base of massive pine tree; enclose vessel in previously mentioned “rock fortress”.  You and many others might call the rock fortress a pile of rocks, but allow Oscar his megalomaniac moment and defer to his judgment that this is a FORTRESS.  The banana interjects its self through a simple act of kindness with Oscar offering to protect the precious fruit of a friend (no euphemism) with in the confines of the citadel.
So the next time you hear someone proclaim, “You don’t wanna to stash your banana in my stone fortress?”  Don’t take it inappropriately.  It is simply the battle cry of the wary camper seeking a rare defeat of the cleverest of enemies.

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